Discipline

It is the most requested topic in parenting classes. It brings the most frustration to both parents and children and it is possibly the most misunderstood of all the parenting mandates.

What is discipline and how can it be a benefit to a relationship?

Discipline as defined by Dictionary.com is a noun. And it means

1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill; military discipline
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training; a daily stint a the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correcting and training.

Let us not fall into the old way of thinking that discipline is the answer to a behavior that does not meet the parent/teacher/adults picture.

If what you are wanting as a parent is for your boys to not wrestle, horse around and essentially beat each other “for fun”, or your daughter to resort to tears, or tantrums to get her way then ask yourself “What do I want?” and focus on that. What I really want is for my boys to love each other unconditionally, for their to be a loving connection between them. I want my daughter to know that who she is matters, who she is makes a difference just by being herself. Our boys might express unconditional love and trust by wrestling. As they challenge, they learn about who they are in a safe place with a loving sibling, an understanding parent. The journey is personal. We cannot, nor should we, determine someone else’s journey: the route or the vehicle. Our role as the parent, as the disciplinarian is to practice self-discipline, practice walking our talk. Practice speaking with respect to our family members. Practice in real life being the person that we want our children to learn from observing.

The gift of discipline is for us to embrace it as a personal practice. Self-discipline requires knowing what I want. I want to not yell at my children. So translated, I want to speak with and be spoken to with respect. My affirmation is I speak and am spoken to with respect and care.

“Self-discipline is twice as strong a predictor of school and career success as intelligence. And it's eroding in our kids. No is not just a word; it's a parenting strategy. By saying no when they need to, parents help their children learn skills of self discipline including self-reliance, respect, integrity, the ability to delay gratification, and a host of other crucial character traits. Although the importance of no should be obvious, too many children are not learning it because of powerful cultural messages that scream "More, Fast, Easy, and Fun." No. Why Kids-of All Ages-Need It and Ways Parents Can Say It David Walsh, Ph.D.